I have made my decision to begin a lighter life. My name is Emma and I am medically obese. Typing that word is a big achievement for me. I am 25 years old, a bride to be and wanting a family after marriage.

I have always been large since I was very young. I can't remember a  time when I haven't been overweight, or if I'm being honest, that should really say obese. When I was 21 I lost 4 and a half stone whilst following the slimming world program and exercising. I was still 19 stone at this time in my life, but it was honestly the time when I have felt the most posistive about my body. But then I took a break for a holiday and moved in with my partner. I left the area and thought that I knew the program well enough to go it alone. But I am now 25 and back where I was.

If you have ever been unhappy with your weight, you will know how soul destroying it is to dislike your own body. To people that have never experienced this, you can't come close to imaging it. I feel so much anger at myself to getting to this point, it lierally makes my heart boil.

I got engaged a year ago, and of course, like many brides, wanted to lose weight. But I stuck my head in the sand. I thought that once it became a year to the wedding date, that it would kick start my brain into losing weight. It didn't happen. I now have 256 days until the wedding. I reached the point last week where I realised I do not want to stay my current weight for my future wedding but my life after that day too.

I considered slimming world again, and then I considered the one plan I know would let me loose weight quick. My Mum had once done lighter life and lost 7 1/2 stone, I saw the emotional effect it had on her, it wasn't easy. I will say I am quite an opinionated person (putting it lightly), and I always swore I would never do lighter life, I considered it torture.

It is probably for that reason that I am finding the prospect of starting lighter life, a scary thing. I know that if I stick to lighter life, my life will change. The moment I made my decision was when I saw photos of myself at my brothers wedding. I thought I looked great that day, seeing the pictures made me look like an ape. The person in them photos isn't me, thats not who I feel I am. I want to be on the outside, what I am on the inside.

So tonight I met my lighter life counsellor, Alison, and she was lovely. There were tears from me, but Alison has told me to focus on losing one stone and take my journey from there. I need to get this into my brain and then the future doesn't seem so scary.

I am seeing my GP on Friday to get signed up and then arranging my first day date.

I'm going to get there, I just don't know when. x